If you just want my advice on who to vote for, skip to the end. If you want to know the who and why, here's where I go through all the parties and groupings in ballot order.
- Reason Australia
These people have some generally pretty positive ideas but at their core they are liberals. They're (theoretically) a much nicer, friendlier form of liberalism than that practised by the major parties, but they're still all about individualism and working within the existing system rather than trying for something better. Also they have a weird fixation on religion. And it's not that I really disagree with any of their positions (like, sure, Sanitarium should pay taxes) but it's a weird thing to prioritise. - Damien Richardson & John McBride
Conspiracy theorists. - Australian Democrats
Yeah, they still exist. They're pretty unremarkable. Not much to distinguish them from the major parties, aside from the fact that they're not going to be elected. There's no such thing as a wasted vote in our electoral system, but this would kind of be a wasted vote. - Liberal/Nationals
I'm not going to bother linking to their website. You know who they are. They're fucking terrible. Not technically the worst option on the ballot, unless you factor in their likelihood of actually being able to carry out their agenda. Damien Richardson would obviously be a much worse person to have in charge than Scott Morrison, but he never will be so we really don't need to worry as much about him. - Legalise Cannabis Australia
If you only care about one thing, and that one thing is weed, this is the party for you. There are several other parties that are in favour of marijuana legalisation, but they don't have LCA's focus. They have other priorities. If you want a representative with only one thing (cannabis) on their mind, this is the party for you.
Seriously though, this party shouldn't exist and you shouldn't vote for them. - Sustainable Australia Party - Stop Overdevelopment / Corruption
The Democrats without the name recognition, and just a soupçon of eugenics. Just a little. As a treat. - Australian Values Party
The polite face of fascism. A "fair got for all" - but only if you speak English. "Equality of opportunity" - but it's not our fault if, for some reason, certain people don't seem to make the most of the same opportunities everyone else gets. "Rule of law" - you haven't broken any laws, have you?. "Freedom to make your own health decisions" - we didn't say "vaccine", you're the one who thought that. - Derryn Hinch's Justice Party
Look, they actually have some pretty reasonable policies. But also, they want to do Judge Dredd in real life. That's actually the main thing they want. Kind of like the Cannabis party, but instead of "let people have marijuana" it's "let people who smoke marijuana be thrown into a pit." - Animal Justice Party
Another single-issue party. As with the cannabis party I'm basically in agreement with them, but if you care about more than one thing then you probably should vote for someone else. The "controversies" section of their Wikipedia page is delightful though. - Australian Progressives
Basically the embodiment of that @crushingbort tweet: "the problems are bad but their causes... their causes are very good". They mean well, but they are very wrong. - Australian Labor Party
You know them. You loathe them marginally less than the other side. You'll probably end up voting for them, once the parties you placed higher inevitably get knocked out of contention. - United Australia Party
Clive Palmer and his neofeudalist pals. What could I tell you about him that would make you hate him any more than you already do? - Socialist Alliance
First good option on the list. I don't think I really have anything bad to say about them, other than perhaps they could be aiming higher. Go on, say what you really want. - Australian Federation Party
They are to Derryn Hinch as Animal Justice is to Cannabis. That is to say, they're not entirely terrible in most regards, but in one specific area they are. Terrible. For Hinch it's law enforcement. You'd think, given the initialism, that would also be the focus of the AFP, but it turns out they're mostly concerned with the tyranny of mask mandates and vaccinations. Seems a bit late for them to be worrying about that now that our state and federal governments have decided that the plague's over (which it isn't) and we can all go back to normal (which we can't). - Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party
The name says it all. They just want to shoot, fish, and farm, without anyone telling them when, where, or how. It's all very childish, really. - Pauline Hanson's One Nation
You know who she is. She was on Dancing with the Stars that one time. Can't decide who to be racist against and is very bad at picking her friends. - Citizens Party
Very concerned (it seems to the exclusion of all other issues) with international bankers. Maybe they do mean bankers. Hmm, but what's this? "...collaborating with the international organization of the late U.S. statesman and physical economist Lyndon LaRouche..." Maybe not. - Morgan C Jonas & Monica Smit
More conspiracy theorists. - Fusion: Science, Pirate, Secular, Climate Emergency
Why vote for one single-issue party, when you could vote forfourfive at once? I just can't decide if I want to spec as "solarpunk", "culture jammer" or "extinction rebel". Solarpunks get +2 to all skill checks made in direct sunlight, but Culture Jammers get advantage on saving throws vs being charmed, so it's a tough call. - Susan Benedyka & Christine Richards
They seem... ok. They probably wouldn't do much of anything, good or bad. I don't know why you'd vote for them, but it probably wouldn't do any harm if you did. - The Greens
What do we want? Small, incremental changes! When do we want them? Gradually! - The Great Australian Party
Their website is worth a look. "Please use Safari, Google Chrome or Firefox for best results". One look should probably tell you all you need to know, but don't make the mistake of reading it. They really should have banded together with groups B, R and X. Safety in numbers. - Liberal Democrats
In America, they'd be called Libertarians. In case you're not familiar with the ideology, it boils down to "government should exist solely to enforce property rights." Followed to its logical conclusion it can only result in a new type of feudalism, but its adherents can't see that far ahead - or they think they'll be the kings and barons of the new world. - Informed Medical Options Party
"Informed" meaning "what I saw on YouTube", "Medical" meaning "vaccines" and "options" meaning "no". They're also not fans of "5G". - Peter Byrne & Jason Wardle
Actually the Socialist Equality Party. They're exactly the all-talk, no-solutions stereotype every middle-class conservative pictures when thy hear the word "communist" (unless they're actually thinking of authoritarians, which a lot of people think is the same thing). They're also weirdly obsessed with Julian Assange. I actually had a conversation with a representative after the last federal election, and it was basically all he'd talk about. They don't really have any specific positions on anything, so they're not really worth voting for. You'd be better off voting Legalise Cannabis, honestly. - Victorian Socialists
Now this is the party to vote for. Clear and direct policies that I can get behind on a broad range of issues. The Socialist Alliance are good, but the Victorian Socialists are better.
There are also 12 ungrouped candidates, but I'm not going to bother looking into them. Sorry, but the way senate voting works makes it a real hassle to vote for you when you're on your own like that, and there were already 26 groups to look into before I even got to your names.
Now, here's my who-to-vote-for ranking. You need to pick at least 6 so that's how many I'll give you.
- Z: Victorian Socialists
- M: Socialist Alliance
- A: Reason Australia
- C: Australian Democrats
- S: Fusion: Science, Pirate, Secular, Climate Emergency
- U: The Greens
If you feel like numbering some more boxes you could chuck group Y (Socialist Equality) in there near the end. E (Legalise Cannabis) and I (Animal Justice) are also probably fine to throw in wherever you feel like. Maybe chuck a pity vote to T (Benedyka & Richards) after the Greens if you want. It's not like it'll make a difference.
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