Fake Bacon

Tried this plant-based bacon substitute.

Banana blossoms - fake fish?

I saw these tinned banana blossoms in the supermarket and was curious to try them as the can said they could be used as a substitute for fish in, for example, fish and chips. Why not? Could be all right.

Fake Chicken

Sunfed Chicken Free Chicken Plant Based Wild Meaty Chunks. Catchy name. Pea protein, olive oil, pea fibre, yeast extract and, surprisingly to me, pumpkin. And it was half price! So I tried it.

My Day on a Plate

2.30pm Tea.

4.30pm Sandwich: ham; cheese; red onion; apple; Wasabi-flavoured mayonnaise, and tea.

5.30pm Sandwich: ham; tomato; mayonnaise.

6pm Sandwich: ham; tomato; mayonnaise.

7pm Chia seeds and psyllium husks in a glass of water.

9pm Sandwich: ham; cheese; sweet mustard pickles.

1am Tea.

2am Salad: kale; cabbage; carrot; broccoli stems; balsamic vinegar; sesame oil; salt.

4am Sandwich: crumbed hoki fillets; mayonnaise.

Prize-Winning Casserole from 1979

A sandwich

Cheesy spirals

Cheese. Pasta. Vegetables. It's got everything you need.

Beyond Burgers

 Saw these fake meat burgers in the supermarket so I decided to try them.

Zinger Pie

I think the only other thing I've ever bought from KFC was a Double Down, back when those were a thing, so I don't know what the Zinger chicken is normally like. Also, I thought it wasn't called Kentucky Fried Chicken any more? Did they change back?

Do Not Poor Tea Into the Mystery Cup

It's sitting between the teapot and the dirty dishes and you can't remember why.

'Mite as Well

Vegemite is great. But it's not the only product of its kind - far from it. English people will often argue the superiority of Marmite, but they're not talking about the same product Australians know as Marmite, and there's even more than those three. I've heard of the various other versions, even eaten a couple of them before, but I've never done a proper comparison. So I went down to my local shop and grabbed one of each.

The Best Lasagne

I love lasagne, and I've been making it for years, but I think I've finally figured out the best way to make it. It's not an exact recipe since I tend to just throw things in haphazardly, but it should be a pretty good guide for anyone who wants to make good lasagne.

Hate the Hut

My parents went on holiday recently and asked me to house-sit. While I was there I looked up some of the local pizza places. At home, I normally get two large pizzas and a garlic bread delivered for $24, which is dinner and breakfast for two people. I couldn't find a single place in Bendigo that would do anything comparable, so I gave up on “good” and swung in the complete opposite direction. Pizza Hut.

What the hell is "bio cheese"?

Well, it's a vegan cheese substitute with an awful name. I've seen it in the shop near my house recently and today I decided to give it a go.

Chocolate with Vegemite

There's a thread on the Something Awful forums called the Anti-Food Porn Thread. It's pretty great most of the time, but there are a bunch of babies posting there who get disgusted by quite ordinary things. Recently a few "trip reports" have been posted of people eating food from KFC, which I found incredibly dumb, because that hardly fits the "anti food porn" description, does it? So I asked the thread to nominate something for me to eat that was actually weird. Someone suggested that chocolate with the Vegemite in it, but it had already been done, and anyway I don't think they're selling it any more. I certainly couldn't find any in the shops today.

So I decided to go one better and do a home-made version.

An astounding coincidence

I've done some research, and amazingly, it turns out that the period of time when I was a child was objectively the best time to be a child. Those who grew up either before or after me missed out on all of the best things. Here are just a few examples.

A Simple Recipe

This is a quick and simple recipe to make for yourself for dinner when you're at home by yourself for the evening.

I ate some spam

I've often wondered what spam is like, and I've seen it in supermarkets plenty of times. I've always been put off by its reputation, but it's in every supermarket so obviously some people like it. It can't be selling solely by the power of morbid curiosity. So today, I decided, was the day. I would eat some spam.

Logan Farm vegetables are shit

I bought this pack of frozen vegetables from the IGA near my house. Sorry, "Premium Vegetable Mix".

It looks pretty nice. Obviously I don't expect it to look exactly like the picture on the pack. For one thing, the actual product will be frozen. But you'd think that the picture would give a pretty good idea of the contents of the pack - that's kind of the point.

Here's what's actually in the pack.

It's not quite the same. There's just something about that distribution that seems off. Maybe it's the fact that there are about three beans in the entire pack. I was also expecting more carrot in comparison to the amount of peas and corn.

Don't buy Logan Farm vegetables.

French toasted cheese sandwich

Take two eggs. Break them into a bowl. Use a fork or something to whisk them up a bit so the yolk is mixed with the albumen.

Take two slices of bread and dunk them in the egg. Make sure to get both sides of both slices completely covered and do your best to soak up all the egg. Depending on the size of the eggs and slices of bread there may be a little bit left over.

Melt some butter in a frying pan. Put the slices of bread in the frying pan and tip the remaining egg on top of them.

While the bread is frying, slice some cheese and salami.

Once the bread is cooked to your satisfaction on one side, turn it over and put the sliced cheese and salami on top of one slice.

Once the other side of the bread is done, flip the second slice onto the first. The cheese should now be nicely melted. If not, leave it a little longer.

Once the eggy-bread is cooked and the cheese is melted, eat the sandwich.