Victory of the Daleks

Season 32, episode 3.

Winston Churchill

Apparently, the Doctor and Winston are old friends now, and the episode starts with that wacky prime minister trying to steal the TARDIS. Ha ha ha, whate a jape. Fuck this bullshit, let's get on to the actual plot.

Oh look, Daleks

I have pretty much exactly the same complaint here as I had with the first Dalek episode in 2005. It should have been a surprise, but it wasn't. We knew they were going to be there, so there is absolutely no impact. It would even have worked if we'd still thought that Churchill was being threatened by Daleks, but thanks to the end of episode previews last week, we knew that wasn't the case either. Thanks guys, you just ruined the first part of the episode.

Those in charge need to go to the people who make the trailers and tell them "Hey, stop sabotaging the writers' efforts. It's hard enough for them, what with the fact that they were dropped on their heads as children, without you running spoilers at the end of every episode."

Then we get far too much of the Doctor telling everyone that Daleks are mean and everyone telling the Doctor that he's wrong. This bit just drags on and on for no real reason. Oh, also, apparently Amy doesn't remember the whole big Dalek invasion thing from a couple of years ago. I must admit, it had slipped my mind too, but I guess it should have made more of an impact on her.

Oh, hey, they really are Daleks!

Things begin looking up at this point, because the Daleks' plan is revealed, and they are totally acting like Daleks, which is something they haven't done since 1988.

Basically, the Daleks we've seen so far, have discovered that their DNA has become mutated, and they are therefore impure. Being paranoid xenophobes, the Daleks designed their technology to not work for anyone but a Dalek, and because of the mutation, they're not being recognised. So they can't use their technology to clone any new Daleks. After working this out, they have one single goal: Clone up some real Daleks and then die, because they are unworthy lesser lifeforms and must be exterminated.

This is exactly what a Dalek should do. It cannot be stressed enough just how xenophobic Daleks are. Anything that is not a Dalek is not only bad in their eyes, but is so bad that it must be destroyed. For a Dalek to become something that is not a Dalek is a fate worse than death. Such a Dalek would not want to survive, but would still have the all-consuming desire to contribute in any way it could to the goal of making Daleks the only things left in the universe. And that's exactly what these ones do.

The actual method they use to get the cloning device to work for them is a little dodgy, but I can overlook it, because otherwise this plot is going so well.

It's still good, I guess...

Then things start going downhill. The Daleks (using magic

science) cause all the lights in London to turn on, which is obviously bad, what with the Nazis and all, so obviously they have to be stopped. So the android (did I mention there was an android? He was part of the Daleks cover story when they were on Earth, it's not really important) creates, in a matter of minutes, some spaceships (out of aeroplanes). With futurustic space weapons on them. And the planes go up to shoot at the Dalek ship to turn the lights off again.

But the ship has a forcefield on it. So the doctor uses magic
the TARDIS to turn off the forcefields and let the aeroplanes
space ships shoot out the Dalek weapon. But before they can blow up the Dalek space ship, the Daleks reveal that they can detonate the android's power source at any time, and that would destroy the Earth. So the Doctor lets them get away.

OK, no, it's shit

The Doctor rushes back to Earth and finds the android, and with only seconds to deactivate the explosion, he turns to his ever reliable magic
science! Oh, wait, no I mean love. He uses the power of love to deactivate a bomb. I wish I were making that up.

Somehow, making the android believe that it's human makes its power source not explode. What? What? What!? WHAT!? WHAT!!?

Fuck you. No, seriously, fuck you. Just... fuck you. This is the most bullshit method for defusing a bomb ever. This is even worse than how Harry Potter survived because of his mother's love, because at least that was genuinely supposed to be magic. Fuck you, Doctor Who writers. Whoever wrote this scene should be shot, and whoveer was responsible for letting it make it to the final version of the script should be drowned in vomit.

Solving problems by ignoring them!

Then (offscreen) the doctor goes around removing all the future tech that the Daleks or the android brought to Earth, and finally it's time for the android itself. So, it would be cruel to kill it, and not really in keeping with the Doctor's character at all, so obviously he's going to bring it along. After all, you can't leave it on Earth. Its knowledege of advanced alien technology is dangerous, and the fact taht it's unlikely to age or suffer from illnesses or anything like that is likely to raise some suspicions.

Oh wait, apparently you can leave it. No problem then. I guess we can't have more than one companion at a time, that would be against all precedent. You know, except for all those times it happened. Like. for example, episode one. Or if you want a more recent example, how about when Jack and Rose both travelled with the Doctor?

But I guss we can't have someone stealing Amy's limelight, can we, because there's no way the audience could focus on more than two major characters. The mere fact that it makes no fucking sense to leave it on Earth can't compete with that concern. And it's not like they could have killed it off or left it somewhere in the next episode. I mean, it's not like they've done that before. Companions always stick around for more than two stories. You know, except for ones like Adam Mitchell from 2005 or Sara Kingdom from 1965.

I know, this is a minor quibble compared with defusing a bomb with love, but seriously, you couldn't come up with a decent way to dispose of this character? Would leaving him on some advanced alien planet in the next episode have been so bad? This is just laziness. And I don't know what would be worse, him never showing up again, proving that the writers just forgot about him after this episode, or him showing up again and proving my point, that he'd stand out and cause changes.

Cracks in Amy's memory. Also the wall. And time.

So then the episode ends with the Doctor acting all concerned about Amy not remembering the Dalek invasion of a couple of years back, even though we all know he's going to instantly forget about it next week and not do anything about it until the last episode, and once again we see a timecrack as the TARDIS leaves, which, mysteriously, no one seems to be noticing within thi show. Also, the TARDIS is always conveniently placed to be really close to them but just in the right position to make sure the Doctor doesn't actually see them. And once again, nothing will be made of this until the last episode. Because, since the whole "Saxon for PM" thing (which was actually pretty subtle and well done) worked so well, you have to poorly emulate it in every season. Don't try anything original, you might scare people.

And yes, I know the Saxon thing wasn't the first, it was just the only one that was actually done well. You got it right, you can stop now.

Overall suckiness

Once again, the plot was rushed, tried to do too much and ended up not having the impact it should have, the plot holes were as bad as anything RTD ever did (fucking defusing a fucking bomb with fucking love? What the fuck?) and it ended up being shit. The Daleks were proper Daleks though, and that was nice. But essentially, it's like a sandwich made with delicious, ripe tomato, crisp lettuce, perfectly cooked bacon, stale bread and a fresh turd.