Jesus, who came up with that title? That aside, I actually thought this episode was decent. Not particularly memorable, not something I'll watch again, but better than what we've seen so far.
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| Hello, I am Captain Gruff Grumpyman. |
We start off with a microscopic view of a replicator actually creating a new uniform, which is pretty cool, but doesn't really serve any particular purpose. And can I just say, I do not like these new uniforms. I like the bright colours. I like being able to tell at a glance what someone's job is and what rank they are. The subtlety of these new uniforms makes them look more like something people would actually want to wear, but as a way to visually code characters in a TV show it's total garbage. Anyway, Michael's officially part of the crew now.
Immediately after getting her new uniform, Michael receives a package that turns out to be something Michelle Yeoh's character bequeathed to her. She refuses to open it, because drama. On the way to the bridge she runs into Saru, who is really not happy to see that she's still here. But there's not much he can do since the captain wants her on the crew.
The main plot of the episode then begins with the captain revealing the captured monster to Michael and demanding that she study and weaponise it. Like they wanted to do in the Alien films, I guess, because that's not an obviously terrible idea. Michael knows it's a terrible idea, we know it's as terrible idea, but the captain insists. I guess this is supposed to show us that he's not your standard Star Trek captain. Whatever. We know they're not going to weaponise the creature, so who cares.
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| This is actually from later on. |
Then they receive a distress call. If they can get their fantastic new blink drive (or whatever they're calling it) to work then they can get there in time, and the captain won't take no for an answer - what a
strong, powerful leader fucking idiot he is! So they try anyway and almost crash into a star. It's almost like they should have listened to the science guy in charge of the project who said it wouldn't work and could kill them.
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| Too close! Too close! |
Fortunately, Michael completely ignores her orders and tries feeding the monster some of the magic space-fungus, because she's certain (somehow) that it's not aggressive by nature and that it's somehow linked to the fungus. Of course, it is, because this is TV and it wouldn't be here otherwise, but it doesn't really make any sense in the story. None of this fungus bullshit does. Anyway, they can (somehow) use it to navigate their blink drive. Of course this allows them to arrive just in time to save the day.
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| Is this a robot? An alien? A human in a silly hat? |
Ad there's some crew member who looks like a Borg. I mean, not really, but he/she (I think maybe it's a she?) isn't on-screen long enough to get a good look at her and she certainly seems to be some kind of cyborg, and it reminds me again that this crew seems way too diverse for this time period. If you don't want to deal with established canon then just set it further in the future or make a different show. In fact, just make a different show because this one isn't very Star Treky anyway.
And finally, Michael opens the package from Michelle Yeoh's character, which contains a nice message and an antique telescope, because she was a proper Star Trek captain with weird and archaic hobbies and should have been the/a main character on this show.
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| Too good for this show. |
Meanwhile, the main Klingon ship is dead in
the water space because their warp engine was damaged or something. I don't really know, I find the Klingon bullshit tedious and hard to follow. Anyway, they need a new ship bit and there are no Klingon ones available, but there is one in a disabled Federation ship, so they could get that but they don't want to because honour or something. Eventually they do anyway. I just do not give a fuck.
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| He's upside down, but it's space so really he's not. |
But another Klingon shows up and takes control of the ship from the albino. The albino's second-in-command seems at first to have turned traitor but it's actually a trick to keep him alive so he can come back and take over again later. I pretty much can't tell any of the Klingons apart so all this is extra hard to follow and particularly meaningless.
You know how I said this episode was decent? That was before I rewatched it to write this review, and on second viewing I saw more stuff I didn't like than stuff I did. Very little actually happens and way too much time is taken up by the characters I like the least (eg. the captain, the Klingons). I'm just not keen on this show at all.
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