Table For Three

On last week's episode of Raw, Roman Reigns fought Bobby Lashley for the position of #1 contender for the universal title. One of the commentators characterised this as an attempt to win "a date with Brock Lesnar". I thought that was a pretty funny idea.


INT. A CANDLELIT RESTAURANT - NIGHT

BROCK LESNAR, PAUL HEYMAN and ROMAN REIGNS are seated at a small round table, Roman on one side and the other two opposite.

PAUL

My name, is

(he pauses for effect)

Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the reigning, defending undisputed, universal heavyweight champion

(his voice rises as he speaks until he is practically screaming)

Brock Lesnar!

Roman rolls his eyes.  Brock grins like an idiot.

ROMAN

Look, I didn't come here to listen to you, I cam here for a nice, romantic dinner with Brock.

PAUL

You came here to eat dinner with THE BEAST ... Beeerrrrrock ... Lesssnar ... but I came to ensure that this dinner is up to the high standards that my client demands.

BROCK

Bitch.

ROMAN

You're the bitch, bitch. I'm the big dog and this is MY YARD.

JOJO OFFERMAN enters.

JOJO

The following is a three course dinner featuring soup, entree and dessert! Introducing first, the challenger, Roman Reigns!

The crowd boos.

JOJO

And his date, Brock Lesnar!

A REFEREE enters carrying a notepad. He whispers something inaudible to Brock and then to Roman before standing between them, pen poised. Jojo leaves.

ROMAN

Can I get the pumpkin soup to start and then the caesar salad?

The referee nods.

PAUL

My client will have the steak, medium rare. No soup.

Brock nods. The referee nods and turns to leave only to run into BRAUN STROWMAN. Braun is carrying a bright green briefcase.

BRAUN

This briefcase entitles me to one date with Brock Lesnar any time, anywhere, and I choose HERE and NOW!

Braun shoves the case into the referee's hands.

BRAUN

(yelling)

I will also have the steak!

INT. THE SAME RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Brock, Roman and Braun are finishing their meals. Paul is examining his fingernails. The referee is moving between them, refilling water glasses. He attempts to pick up a bowl of fries but Braun grabs hold of his wrist.

BRAUN

Leave the fries. I'M NOT FINISHED WITH THEM!