Cider: The Horrible Truth

Recently, apparently normal, sane people have started drinking cider. Lots of them. It's become pretty common. Normally, what people choose to drink is their own business, no concern of mine. If you want to drink cider, go ahead. It doesn't affect me at all. Or does it?

See, I've noticed the hidden cost of this aberrant behaviour. You'll get together with friends or family, there are plenty of drinks in the fridge, everyone's happy. You have a few drinks, time passes, the shops close. Then you go to grab another beer and what do you find? Cider.

At the start of the evening, if you polled people on whether they preferred beer or cider and filled the fridge accordingly, or even if you went out as a group and bought drinks together, you'd end up with what would seem like the right amount of each. But somehow that never happens. No. Because when there are beers available, cider drinkers take them. This is entirely understandable. Beer is great and cider is shit. It makes sense that the beer would disappear first. Which is exactly what happens.

So you, the sane, rational beer-drinker assume that these freaks of nature with their hideously poor taste in drinks will take care of the cider and leave the beer for you, only to have your pleasant evening brought to a sudden halt as you realise your error.

And what can you do then? Only one thing. Drink cider. You have no choice. And now you're one of them. Next time, if you suggest getting more beer and less cider, they'll simply say to you "But you like cider, you were drinking it last time." and you'll be forced to drink cider again. Before you know it, you'll be ordering it in bars, and then you'll be part of the problem.

I say no! Fight this evil! Shun the cider! And always keep some emergency whiskey on hand so that when the unthinkable (but inevitable) occurs, you are prepared. You will see the fridge full of cider with not a beer to be seen and you will smile, pull out the whiskey, and retain your dignity.

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