Alexandre Dumas

 A short dialogue in the style of:

It's Time: A Poem

Kill your landlord
Kill your boss
Every business owner
And every middle manager
Everyone who gets paid
While someone else does the work
Kill all the politicians
And definitely the cops
They can't lock up all of us
(Especially if we killed all the cops)
But...
Could someone else go first?

Why I Love Vivaldi

The web browser, that is. Well, one of the reasons. I actually like a lot of things about it and dislike some others but overall it's the best option available. I might write more about it some other time but I just felt like writing about this particular feature today. What feature? The options you get when you right-click on a hyperlink.

A famous poem by an Australian author

Sorry I ate your plums.

They were real good but.

The Rock

I can't tell you how, but I just got access to the secret document that details the names Dwayne Johnson has used and is planning on using for the rest of his career. 1995 to the present is already public knowledge of course, but I've left it in for the sake of completeness.

1995	Flex Kavana
1996	Rocky Maivia
1997	Rocky "The Rock" Maivia
1998	The Rock
1999	Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
2000 - 2005	The Rock
2006 - 2007	Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
2008 - 2017	Dwayne Johnson
2018	Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson
2019	Rocky "The Rock" Dwayne Rock
2020 - 2021	Dwayney "Dwayne" Johnson
2022	Dwayne "Rocky" The Rock
2023	Rocky "Rocky" Rocky
2024 - 2027	Rocky "Dwayne" The Rock
2027 -	Flex Kavana

Types of Pasta

• Spaghetti
• Flat spaghetti
• Hollow spaghetti
• Really big, hollow spaghetti chopped up into little sections.
• Really big, hollow spaghetti chopped up into little sections with a bend in the middle
• Spirally spaghetti
• Seashell spaghetti
• Spaghetti shaped like a bow tie
• Dinosaur spaghetti
• Canned spaghetti
• Big flat sheets of spaghetti
• Gnocchi

Cardinal and ordinal numbers

11 - oneteen
12 - toovle
13 - threlve
14 - ten-four
15 - filthteen
16 - sextant
17 - seventeen
18 - eaten
19 - nighmpten
20 - tooty
21 - tooty-one
...
30 - dooty
40 - forty
50 - fighty
60 - sixty
70 - seventy
80 - eaty
90 - ninety
100 - one hundo
...
358 - three hundo and fighty-eight

1th (wunth)
2ld (tooled)
3st (threest)
4rd (ford)
5el (fivel)
6ed (sixed)
7ch (sevench)
8kt (ached)
9mp (nighmp)
10xt (tenxt)
11th (oneteenth)
12ed (toovled)
13st (threlvest)
14ed (ten-foured)
15el (filthteenel)
16ed (sextanted)
17ch (seventeench)
18ed (eatened)
19nt (nighmptennt)
20xt (tootext)
21th (tooty-wunth)
...
30xt (dootext)
...
100st (one hundost)
...
358kt (three hundo and fighty-ached)

Public Holidays

The distribution and designation of public holidays in Australia is terrible, and I know exactly how to fix it.

Tim the Landlord

I ran into my old landlord, Tim, today. Not too surprising since he owns the flat opposite the one I now live in. He says he's moved back in there now, but that doesn't actually seem to be the case. I'll get to that later. Everything with him is just a little bit odd. But first let me take you back to our first meeting.

Literally everything I know about swimming

For school this week we were given this task:

Write for 10 minutes about a topic I’m going to give you. Start straight away, don’t think. Just write and don’t stop. The topic is swimming.

I wrote it, so I suppose I may as well post it, though I've no idea what educational value it was supposed to have.

Horse Vet

Here's a thing I wrote about what it would be like if Dave was a horse vet.

David Thorne: Horse Vet

Have you ever punched a horse to death? I have. My name is David Thorne.

She'd said the horse was behaving oddly. Show me a horse that isn't. They're mad creatures. But there was always the chance that it would have to be put down, and I'd enjoy that, so I agreed to come and take a look at it.

"Your horse needs to be put down." I said.
She seemed dubious. "You haven't seen it yet."
"You've heard of the horse whisperer? That film was actually based on me. Of course, in real life it's more like horse shouting. But I don't need to actually see a particular horse to know what to do with it."
"Are you sure you're a real vet?" she asked.
"Fine, I'll look at the damn horse."

Windows 8

Since my main operating system is Linux Mint and I only use Windows to play games, I hadn't actually bothered upgrading from Windows XP until now. But Saints Row IV is going to require DirectX 10 and so I needed a new operating system. And you know what? It's OK.

I just noticed something about Joss Whedon

You know Joss Whedon, right? The guy responsible for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, etc. You've probably seen TV shows or movies he's worked on or created. But have you actually seen the guy himself?

Violets Are Violet

Roses and violets come in many colours
Including red and blue
A fact well known to many
Now also known to you