E.Y.E: Divine Cybermancy

I got this game without really knowing anything about it, because that's the sort of sound financial decision that has made me the wealthy gentleman of leisure that I am today, and I thought after trying it that I would chronicle my thoughts.

I'm in a big cavern, and apparently this is a dream. If I go through the glowy door, I wake up. For some reason this cavern is full of giant swords. Oh, and corpses. Apparently one of them is my mentor, and I killed him. But it wasn't murder.

Oh wow, when I jump, the ground shakes when I land. But jumping uses up energy, so I have to stop and wait for it to regenerate.

Oh shit, my sword has some cool red lightning shit happen when I hold it up. I have no idea what that does, but it's pretty snazzy. OK, time to wake up.

As the next bit of the game loads, I go make a cup of tea, drink the tea, go to bed, wake up, go to work, grow old and die. Then eventually the next area is done loading and my dude wakes up.

Apart from the lack of giant swords, this is pretty similar to the dream place. Some dude tells me that I'm in danger and I have to leave. Also there are tutorial videos. A lot of tutorial videos. I am so not watching all of these, I'm sure I'll pick it up as I goooooh my god, what are all these screens of things? Is this a video game or the controls to some kind of spaceship/submarine/transformer?

I think it's safe to assume I can ignore approximately all of this for the moment. I'm sure everything will be explained in due course.

OK, pick up the gun, shoot the... thing, take the lift, talk to the dude. Yeah, I've got a handle on this. And he's left me some supplies to choose from. I choose all of them.

Got to get to the extraction point because bad guys. OK, follow the arrow.

Shit, dudes shooting at me. A lot of dudes. I'll pick them off from hiding.

Fuck, every time I pop out to shoot at them, instead, they shoot me. This is not working. Time for a more direct approach. They'll never see it coming. Besides, I'm on easy, and this is like the second fight of the game. I will slaughter these motherfuckers.

And that is the story of how I was confused and then a bunch of dudes killed me about 20 minutes into the first level. This game is bullshit.

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