That Don't Impress Me Much

Shania Twain is a crazy person. Just take a look at these lyrics:

It starts off fairly reasonable

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!
Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much

Sure, that guy doesn't sound impressive at all. In fact, I would say that he's a weirdo and Shania is simply exercising good judgement in avoiding him. If that were where it ended, all would be well. Moving on.

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place

I guess the guy may be a bit self-absorbed, but on the other hand if he were a woman this wouldn't seem odd at all. I bet Shania takes the time to make sure her hair looks nice and carries makeup and a mirror and so on. A little hypocritical there, but women and men are held to different standards, so OK.

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much

Wait, hold on. You're not impressed by Brad Pitt? He's a fantastic actor. What does it take to impress you? Maye you don't think actors deserve the credit they get, but that's even more hypocritical given your career, Shania. But let's listen to the last verse.

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all

OK, well this guy sounds like a dick. No one likes someone who thinks they're always right and doesn't hesitate to let you know.

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much

Wait, hold up there. This guy's an actual rocket scientist? Come on Shania, that is legitimately impressive. Maybe he's a bit of a dick, going on about how smart he is, but how can you not be impressed by that? What would impress you? Does someone have to be a movie star and a rocket scientist at the same time? Would that be enough for you? Shania Twain, your standards are way too high.

Yes, I know these verses are in reverse order, but honestly it just makes her seem even crazier if you hear them in the correct order, because the last guy just has a car and if the rocket scientist and Brad Pitt didn't cut it how the hell is that guy even getting a second glance?

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