An astounding coincidence

I've done some research, and amazingly, it turns out that the period of time when I was a child was objectively the best time to be a child. Those who grew up either before or after me missed out on all of the best things. Here are just a few examples.

Bikes. I had a bike. Remember bikes? You'd ride around on them, kind of like a car but with no engine or walls or ceiling and just a seat and wheels and a frame really. Kids these days wouldn't even know what a bike is. Do bikes even exist any more? I don't think so.

But it's not just the kids of today who are missing out, it's the ones from before my childhood as well. Why? Video games. We had them. There were video games in the '70s, but they were just boring games like Pong or whatever, not like Mario or Sonic or Mortal Kombat. I didn't have any of those games, but I had an Atari 2600 which was almost as good.

And the for some reason, video games for kids got really bad almost as soon as I stopped being a child myself. Pokemons? What even is that? A dumb game for people who never got to play anything better.

Also there's TV. Back in the past there were TV shows about cowboys or astronauts or something. Boring. Then when I was a child we had shows like Transformers and Ninja Turtles. Not the crappy Transformers and Ninja turtles you get these days, the proper ones. Before they ruined them.

Actually I didn't really watch either of those shows, but they were definitely way better than the modern versions. The specific versions of them that I was familiar with when I was ten are better than all the versions that came before or after, in any medium.

Even food was better then. I could buy a pie for a dollar at school. Try and buy a pie for a dollar now. Can't be done. And we appreciated the value of a dollar, too. When I got a dollar as a child, I was excited, because I could buy a pie with that. Give a kid today a dollar and they'll act like it's not even worth very much. But if you save up about three dollars, then you could buy a pie.

We had good lollies too, back then. There were these ones that tasted kind of shit but they looked like a cigarette, so you could pretend to smoke them. Now apparently that sends a bad message or something? I guess kids these days aren't allowed to be cool.

When you look at the facts, it's undeniable. The best time to be a child was, quite coincidentally, the exact period during which I, myself, was a child.


  1. You sound like the guy who wrote "Real Ninja Power!" This is kind of a true post, but still pretty funny to read, as written.