Cold Blood

Season 32, episode 9.

Capture and escape

The Doctor and the woman scientist are wandering around the Silurian city, where most of the Silurians are still in suspended animation, but very quickly get caught. This for some reason means that the doctor who was about to operate on Amy gets called away, so she's safe. And despite having her arms and hands restrained, she somehow manages to pick his pocket and get the remote control for the restraints. Why is there a remote control? Well, it would be pretty hard for her to steal it if it didn't exist. Never mind that every single aspect of this escape from the existence of the remote control to Amy's magical pickpocketing skills makes absolutely no sense. It's far from being the stupidest bit of this episode.

Amy is still retarded

Amy and the father of the family wander around at random trying to find a way out, until they come across the boy trapped in some sort of stasis pod or something. Realising they can't get him out, they decide to try to acquire some weapons to force the Silurian doctor to help them. Even though they have no idea where he is.

So they wander around a bit more until they find some Silurians who appear to be in suspended animation. Amy concludes on the basis of absolutely no information whatsoever that turning the lights on and opening the doors of their hibernation pods won't wake them up, and nor will going in there and messing around with them. Turns out she's right, even though that makes no sense, and they steal some guns from the sleeping Silurians. Who are apparently hibernating fully clothed, with their weapons in their hands.

The mother is an idiot

Discovering that as well as having abducted her son, the Silurians have poisoned old guy scientist, the mother decides to torture their captive Silurian with a taser. But she accidentally killed her instead. Given that their only strategy at this point is a hostage exchange, and her son is one of the hostages, this is pretty much the stupidest thing she could possibly have done.

To the courtroom/execution room!

On discovering that the Doctor isn't human, the Silurians decide to take him (and the scientist) to their courtroom. Which is also where they execute people, because that's an efficient use of space, I guess.

Capture and escape, again

Amy and the dad show up just as the Doctor and the scientist are about to be executed, with the guns they stole earlier, but are quickly captured. But then the Silurian leader (I think?) shows up and stops them from being executed. Meanwhile on the surface, the idiot patrol are putting off telling anyone about the dead Silurian.

I hereby authorise you two idiots to speak for humanity!

The Doctor decides that some peace talks are in order and appoints Amy and the scientist woman to be the ambassadors for the humans. When they point out that they have no authority or power and therefore cannot make any sort of treaty with anyone, he tells them they actually can because they're so great, and leaves them to it.

Meanwhile, they call up the idiot patrol and tell them to bring the hostage Silurian down to do the exchange. The idiot patrol still fails to mention that the hostage is actually dead and just agree to come on down.

Surprise! Silurians get pissed off when you murder their siblings!

So the idiot patrol bring the Silurian corpse down with them, while meanwhile the Silurian military leader, who is the sister of the dead Silurian, goes and wakes up a whole bunch of Silurian soldiers in order to stage a coup.

When she sees her sisters corpse though, she just goes batshit and orders all the humans killed. Luckily, the Doctor's magic wand can disable Silurian guns this week, so they're able to run away to the Silurians' human-dissection lab.

Meanwhile, it turns out that the mother has set the drill to automatically activate after fifteen minutes, which would kill everyone in the Silurian city. You'd think this would be a pretty solid bargaining chip, but unfortunately, the military leader Silurian is still all batshit with grief or whatever, so she doesn't care.

Surrounded and about to die

So they're in the lab, with armed Silurians all around and the whole place is going to be destroyed in a matter of minutes. Fortunately, they have doctor Silurian with them, and he is able to activate the stupidest emergency procedure in the history of the universe. After giving a warning and some time to return to suspended animation, the entire city will be flooded with toxic gas. So he does that and all the soldiers fuck off, letting the humans escape.

Stupidest plan ever

The Doctor approaches doctor Silurian and promises that in a thousand years, the Silurians and humans will be able to live together, because he's going to make sure humans will be in favour of the idea by then. How's he going to pull that off? By instructing a handful of random people who live in a small, isolated community to start a religion to teach people about tolerance and sharing. Brilliant. "Hey guys, go start a religion." That's your plan. I just don't even have the words to describe how fucking retarded that is.

Time is running out, so let's hang around and chat

Scientist dude is still dying from the Silurian venom, but the Silurians can cure him if he stays with them, so the two scientists decide to stay there while the rest head for the TARDIS. This takes a ridiculously long time to sort out. Come on guys, you have a time limit here. You know, with the poison gas and the dying? Fucking run!

Addicted to crack

As they reach the TARDIS, they spot another one of those time-crack things, and the Doctor insists on sticking his hand into it to try to get some idea of what causes it. How this was supposed to work I don't know, since it was previously established that these cracks just go from one random place to another (remember the first episode of this season?), but he pulls something out of it anyway.

Suddenly, the military leader Silurian shows up, and even though she's been poison-gassed, it turns out she's not quite dead, and she shoots at the Doctor, but Amy's boyfriend pushes him out of the way and gets hit himself. Despite the fact that he can't possibly die because we already saw him from the future, he dies anyway. And then the crack sends out some tentacles to grab him and erase him from history for some reason.

Let's change the rules!

Remember how the Doctor and Amy could remember things the cracks erased because they're time travellers? Yeah, that's not true any more. Now they forget about Amy's boyfriend just like everyone else.

Dun dun dun!

As the episode ends, the doctor reveals that the thing he pulled out of the crack is... a piece of the TARDIS! Oh noes!

About Silurians

I mostly didn't mind the Silurians, since they acted pretty much exactly like they always have. The only issues I have, really are the venomous tongues, and the breasts. One of the female Silurians very clearly had breasts, and that just doesn't make sense at all. They're reptiles. Not mammals. This is stated several times in the last two episodes alone. Why does she have breasts? Also, did they really need venomous tongues? Couldn't they have just poisoned that scientist guy with a weapon? There was no reason to mess around with them like that.

Next: Vincent van Gogh fights aliens

I'm not holding out much hope that this one's going to be anything but awful.

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