WWE SummerSlam

Overall rating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆

Some terrible writing, boring matches, and bad results. Nothing worth seeing on the entire show. A dismal failure.

iMPACT! Emergence

• Singles (Matt Cardona vs. Rohit Raju): 4/7. You know what? I don't think I care about Matt Cardona. I don't know why I'm supposed to like him or what his deal is. He had that sort of half-arsed feud with Brian Myers that dragged on and fizzled out, and now he's got Chelsea Green with him, but I don't what that does for either of them, story-wise.
• Intergender Tag (Tasha Steelz, Savannah Evans, Fallah Bahh & No Way vs. Decay): 5/7. I don't like 4-on-4 matches and I don't like ad-hoc tag teams, but I do like Decay a lot, and there were some cool moments.
• Singles (Steve Maclin vs. Petey Williams): 4/7. I don't know who either of these guys are. They're vaguely familiar, but that's it.
• Singles (Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Raine): 5/7. Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb with a K are always good entertainment and their new alliance with Raine is going well.
• #1 Contender Four-Way (Moose vs. Ace Austin vs. Sami Callihan vs. Chris Sabin): 6/7. Moose and Austin are always entertaining.
• X-Division Championship (Jake Something vs. Josh Alexander): 6/7. Two big beefy boys hurling themselves and each other about the room. Nice. I've been wondering though: what is the "X division"?
• Intergender Tag (Deonna Purrazzo & Matthew Rehwoldt vs. Trey Miguel & Melina): 6/7. Purrazzo and Rehwoldt are very good and they work very well as a tag team.
• Men's Tag Championship (Good Brothers vs. Violent By Design vs. Rich Swann & Willie Mack): 2/7. I don't like tag team triple threats. I don't like Rich Swann. I don't like Rhyno as a heel, and I don't like VBD as a faction; they just come across as all talk, even when they're winning. I'm sick of the Good Brothers and the current direction of the entire Elite faction.
• World Championship (Brian Myers vs. Christian Cage): 4/7. I Find Brian Myers confusing. I can't tell if he's supposed to be (annoyingly) as good as he thinks he is, or if he's supposed to be a delusional narcissist. I feel like he's stuck somewhere in between.

Overall rating: 5/7. There were definitely some good matches and moments, but also some stuff that I didn't care for or could have skipped. And unfortunately, the last two matches (which ideally you'd like to be the best part of the show) were some I'd have been just as happy not to see. Especially that tag championship. I almost did skip that one. But I am very glad to see Matthew Rehwoldt doing well. I always liked him in WWE.

ROH Glory by Honor Night 1

• Singles (Silas Young vs. Rey Horus): 4/7. I don't understand the point of having these regular, one-on-one, no special rules matches for no stakes on big shows like this. Just do it on the weekly TV show.
• Six-Man Mayhem (Demonic Flamita vs. Eli Isom vs. Dak Draper vs. PJ Black vs. Mike Bennett vs. Danhausen): 4/7. I really wish they'd explained the rules of this match because I didn't know what was going on. Two people are legal at a time, but there's no teams and no tags, you can just come in any time there aren't two competitors in the ring, and whoever gets in first becomes legal. That much I figured out fairly quickly, but I didn't know if it was first-fall or elimination. And that's pretty important to establishing stakes. As it went on I figured out it was first-fall, but why not just say that at the start? This is not a common match type. Anyway, the rules are weird and I don't think this match type works well at all. But Dalton Castle was very good on commentary, and Danhausen is very fun.
• Tag Team (The Allüre vs. Vita Vonstarr & Max the Impaler): 4/7. Max the Impaler is very cool but this was just another regular match for no stakes.
• Singles (Brian Johnson vs. EC3): 4/7. If they didn't have enough interesting matches for a two-night event, maybe they should have just done one night.
• Singles (Bateman vs. Mark Briscoe): 4/7. This was supposed to be a tag team match, which would have been a little more interesting since the Briscoes are a good team, but Jay Briscoe got covid so it was another disappointing match. Actually, I'm pretty frequently disappointed by Bateman; I keep waiting for him to be as cool as he looks like he should be and he's just not.
• Pure Championship (Rhett Titus vs. Jonathan Gresham): 5/7. Finally something interesting. These two are both members of The Foundation, so that automatically changes the dynamic, and Pure Rules is a neat twist on a standard match. Not as cool as Heritage Rules from NXT UK, but still neat. And the championship on the line, so there are actual stakes! Still, not a particularly great match.
• 8-Person Tag (VLNCE UNLTD vs. La Faccion Ingobernable): 4/7. A lot of faffing about and time-wasting at the start of this one, and too many people in the match. Even the commentators seemed genuinely confused about what was happening at times.
• World Championship (Flip Gordon vs. Bandido): 5/7. I expected this to be a lot faster and more spectacular, tbh. It was ok, but not really main-event worthy, you know?

Overall rating: 4/7. An extremely long and unremarkable show. Nothing terrible, but nothing great either. And there's still another night to go.

iMPACT! Homecoming

• Homecoming Tournament Round 1 (Hernandez & Alisha vs. Deonna Purrazzo & Matthew Rehwoldt): 5/7. Nice to see Rehwoldt (formerly Aiden English) again, and the match was decent. Seemed like they were probably holding back though, because they still have to wrestle again later.
• Homecoming Tournament Round 1 (Thicc Mama Pump & Little Petey Pump vs. Matt Cardona & Chelsea Green): 6/7. I got a laugh out of Jordynne and Petey's Scott Steiner gimmick, and the bit when they had to help each other to lift Cardona was good too. Plenty of really good, fun tag teaming throughout.
• Homecoming Tournament Round 1 (Tommy Dreamer & Rachael Ellering vs. Brian Myers & Missy Hyatt): 4/7. The joke was ok, but it dragged on a bit.
• Homecoming Tournament Round 1 (Decay vs. Fallah N Flava): 4/7. Why would Fallah agree to be in an intergender match if he's not willing to fight a woman? That's just dumb.
• Singles (Willie Mack vs. Deaner): 4/7. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to this one. I don't care about these guys and I was just waiting for the next round of the Homecoming Tournament.
• Homecoming Tournament Round 2 (Deonna Purrazzo & Matthew Rehwoldt vs. Matt Cardona & Chelsea Green): 5/7. Felt like a bit of forced gender segregation in this one, but it was quite good regardless.
• Homecoming Tournament Round 2 (Decay vs. Tommy Dreamer & Rachael Ellering): 5/7. The bit where they were all biting each other was hilarious. Otherwise it mostly felt like filler.
• X Division Championship (Josh Alexander vs. Black Taurus): 5/7. This probably deserved a higher rating but I just wasn't really here for it. I just want more Homecoming matches.
• Homecoming Tournament Final (Deonna Purrazzo & Matthew Rehwoldt vs. Decay): 5/7. The best part of this tournament was the comedy bits and this match was a little lacking in those. It was a decent match though.
• Hardcore (W Morrissey vs. Eddie Edwards): 2/7. Didn't really pay any attention to this one but I left it on in case anything cool happened. It didn't.

Overall Rating: 5/7. I've got to compare Homecoming to WWE's Mixed Match Challenge and it comes up short. Of course, MMC was a whole series and not just a single event, so there was more time to establish the teams and do more with it, but even as far as the matches went I feel like this was something of a missed opportunity. There were definitely some fun bits and some good wrestling, but it could have been much better than it was.

WWE Money in the Bank

• Women's Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Alexa Bliss vs. Liv Morgan vs. Nikki ASH vs. Natalya vs. Tamina vs. Zelina Vega vs. Naomi vs. Asuka): 4/7. Some cool moments but ladder matches are still dumb. Especially after having watched the Ultimate X match on Slammiversary, which is the same concept but done much better. And Pat McAfee is still terrible on commentary.
• Raw Tag Team Championship (The Viking Raiders vs. AJ Styles & Omos): 4/7. Styles and Omos doesn't make sense to me. Styles doesn't need a big guy to do his fighting for him. He's not MJF. He'll cheat to win, sure, but he's not a coward who can't fight his own battles. And, like so many others, the Viking Raiders lost something essential when they transferred from NXT. This match was definitely less than the sum of its parts.
• WWE Championship (Kofi Kingston vs. Bobby Lashley): 1/7. I don't even know what the point of this was.
• Raw Championship (Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte Flair): 5/7. Maybe my expectations were too high for this. I dunno, I felt it was lacking something. And I didn't like the ending.
• Men's Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Kevin Owens vs. Riddle vs. Nakamura Shinsuke vs. Ricochet vs. John Morrison vs. Big E vs. Seth Rollins vs. Drew MacIntyre): 4/7. I liked Rick Boogs when he was Eric Bugenhagen. I do not like Rick Boogs as Nakamura's sidekick. And Riddle can fuck right off. I did enjoy the Morrison/Rollins team-up though; it's the sort of thing I wish would happen more in these multi-competitor matches.
• Universal Championship (Edge vs. Roman Reigns): 2/7. This is bor-ing.👏 👏 👏👏👏 

Overall rating: 3/7. I've got to give Money in the Bank some credit for actually having a meaningful gimmick rather than just being a longer version of a normal show or being centred around a cage or no-DQ match with a dumb name, and the MitB contract is a great tool for future story-telling; unfortunately I just don't like ladder matches. Also, it was weird that neither of the MitB ladder matches was the main event. It's supposedly the whole point of the show.

iMPACT! Slammiversary 2021

• Ultimate X X Division Championship (Trey Miguel vs. Ace Austin vs. Petey Williams vs. Rohit Raju vs. Chris Bey vs. Josh Alexander): 7/7. Basically Money in the Bank but with scaffolds and ropes instead of ladders, and for the championship. It's a fun gimmick. Getting rid of the ladders is a good for a change because, well, if you've read my previous reviews you know how I feel about ladders in wrestling. The match itself? A lot of fun moments and some good wrestling. Exactly what you want from this kind of special event.
• Mixed Tag (Bryan Myers & Tenille Dashwood vs. Matt Cardona & Chelsea Green): 6/7. This match was announced as Cardona teaming with a mystery partner. If I'd known he was engaged to Chelsea Green that would probably have been a pretty big hint, but I was curious to see who it was going to be, and the answer was underwhelming. I know Green from NXT, where she was part of the Robert Stone Brand, but I don't really recall anything about her herself. Mixed tag is always fun, even if the gender segregation is dumb and unnecessary, but the finish raised an odd point; apparently a low blow is only a disqualification if it's done to a man? Weird rule.
• Singles (W Morrissey vs. Eddie Edwards): 1/7. Skipped.
• Tag Team (Shera and Madman Fulton vs. FinJuice): 2/7. Pointless, but short.
• Singles (Moose vs. Chris Sabin): 4/7. This match, along with the previous two, could have been scrapped in favour of the Knockouts Tag Team Championship, which was on the pre-show for some reason.
• Four Way Tag Team Championship (Violent By Design vs. Rich Swann & Willie Mack vs. No Way & Fallah Bahh vs. The Good Brothers): 4/7. No Way (Jose) seemed like he was supposed to be a surprise, but one of the commentators kind of spoiled it on the previous episode, so that was weird. Also, he's got the exact same gimmick from WWE, including the conga line, which I didn't get the impression was ever particularly popular or successful, and now just seems like he's got no other ideas.
• Knockouts Championship (Deonna Purrazzo vs. Thunder Rosa): 4/7. Thunder Rosa was another mystery competitor, and this one was actually a surprise - and a welcome one. I like Thunder Rosa and I feel like she was mostly wasted on AEW. That said, the match was just ok.
• No Disqualification Impact World Championship (Kenny Omega vs. Sami Callihan): 5/7. There were some good bits, but it was too long and just too much. The blood was badly done and unnecessary, and the sheer number of different weapons they brought in felt like they were running through a checklist.

Overall Rating: 4/7. This show seemed to be more about revealing new and returning characters than anything else. On top of Chelsea Green, David Finlay, Juice Robinson, No Way and Thunder Rosa, we also had Mickie James and Switchblade Jay White show up between matches. I don't know why you'd want all of those reveals on one show; it's just distracting and waters down the impact each of them can have. And it's a real shame that the best match of the show was also the first match of the show, and that the Knockouts Tag Team Championship changed hands on the pre-show.

My Day on a Plate

2.30pm Tea.

4.30pm Sandwich: ham; cheese; red onion; apple; Wasabi-flavoured mayonnaise, and tea.

5.30pm Sandwich: ham; tomato; mayonnaise.

6pm Sandwich: ham; tomato; mayonnaise.

7pm Chia seeds and psyllium husks in a glass of water.

9pm Sandwich: ham; cheese; sweet mustard pickles.

1am Tea.

2am Salad: kale; cabbage; carrot; broccoli stems; balsamic vinegar; sesame oil; salt.

4am Sandwich: crumbed hoki fillets; mayonnaise.

Mork and the Farmer

The following story (384 words) takes place in the setting of a pen-and-paper roleplaying game I'm currently playing, a world of sword and sorcery at the beginning of an industrial revolution.

ROH Best in the World

• Tag Team (PJ Black & Brian Johnson vs. the Briscoes): 5/7. It was fine. I like the Briscoes.
• Singles (Flip Gordon vs. EC3): 4/7. Slow.
• Six-Man Championship (Dak Draper, Dalton Castle & Eli Isom vs. Shane Taylor Promotions): 6/7. Not really sure what's going on story-wise, here, but I think that's intentional. Dalton Castle sabotaging his own team for reasons that are not yet evident. Lot of cool wrestling though.
• Last One Standing (Josh Woods vs. Silas Young): 4/7. Last One Standing matches can be really cool, but usually they're just long and slow.
• Singles (Jay Lethal vs. Brody King): 6/7. This is the one that should have been a Last One Standing match.
• Pure Championship (Mike Bennett vs. Jonathan Gresham): 6/7. Pure Rules is really cool. You can have a slow match that's still really engaging and builds intensity as it goes.
• Television Championship (Dragon Lee vs. Tony Deppen): 5/7. Possibly should have been rated higher but felt like a step down after the last one.
• Tag Team Championship Fight Without Honor (Violence Unlimited vs. The Foundation): 6/7. "Give up or I'll stab you with this fork" is a novel way to take advantage of a No-DQ match.
• World Championship (Rush vs. Bandido): 7/7. Extremely impressive. 

Overall rating: 5/7. Some of it was very good, but it was very long. It didn't need to be so long.

Life: it's better than the alternative

But is it though? How can we know. It's not just comparing apples to oranges, it's comparing apples to unicorns.